How to help and support a partner with birth trauma
If your partner has experienced birth trauma, it can be a difficult and challenging experience for both of you. Not only are you looking after a new baby but you're trying to deal with the emotional termoil of a traumatic start. Here are some ways you can support your partner through this tough time:
Listen and validate: The first and most important thing you can do is to listen to your partner without judgment. Let them talk about their experience (if they want to), and validate their feelings. Acknowledge that what they went through was difficult and traumatic. Avoid minimising their feelings or interrupting them.
When you’re listening, remember that we all experience events uniquely, even though you may have been in the same room, you can both have very different experiences and recollections of the events. It's okay if you recall and experienced things differently. Both of your experiences are still valid.
Be patient and understanding: Recovery from birth trauma can take time. Be patient with your partner and offer ongoing support. It's important to let your partner know that you're there for them and that you care about their well-being. Encourage them to take the time they need to heal.
Educate yourself: Take the time to educate yourself about birth trauma and its effects. This can help you understand what your partner is going through and how best to support them. You can also learn about the different resources available to them, such as support groups or counseling services.
Offer practical help: After a traumatic birth experience, your partner may be feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. They're trying to heal physically and emotionally, and it’s likely you're both sleep deprived. Offer to help with practical tasks, such as cooking meals, cleaning, and shopping. Even small gestures of kindness can make a big difference. Ask others to help too or look into hiring a postnatal doula.
Be aware of possible changes in your relationship: It's important to be aware that the trauma your partner has experienced may have an impact on your relationship. They may need more emotional support, and intimacy may be difficult for them. Be patient and understanding, and communicate openly with each other about your needs and feelings.
Encourage professional support: Birth trauma can be a very difficult experience to process on your own, and it's important that your partner seeks professional support if they need it. Encourage them to speak with a healthcare provider or a therapist who specialises in trauma.
Take time to look after yourself too, looking after a new baby is challenging. You may also have difficult memories that you need to process and things you need to talk about. There are dedicated helplines and support groups for non birthing parents, don’t be afraid to seek professional support if things feel overwhelming.
Remember, the most important thing you can do is to be there for your partner, offering them your love and understanding. With time and support, they can heal from their birth trauma and move forward towards a brighter future. Together, you can navigate this challenging experience and come out stronger on the other side.
To find out more about healing from birth trauma click here: