How to cope with your child starting school

Starting school is a huge milestone, not just for children but for parents too. When my little boy started school I didn’t feel ready at all, being an ex primary teacher didn’t help and at one point I was on the verge of home schooling because the anxiety of ‘sending him off on his own’ just felt too much. Thank goodness I persevered, got some support and he’s now happy and thriving in school.

As a hypnotherapist who supports parents' mental health, I now hear questions like, "Why am I so overwhelmed by my child starting school?" and "Why am I feeling anxious about this when it’s supposed to be exciting?" But It’s really normal to feel wobbly about it all, these are big changes for you and your little one. Here are some practical tips and advice to help you manage these emotions and make the transition as smooth as possible for you and your little one.

Understanding your anxiety

Feeling nervous and overwhelmed when your child starts school is completely normal. Our brains resist change, even positive ones, because change is perceived as a threat. This can lead to worry, sadness, or a desire to avoid the situation altogether. Recognising this is the first step to managing your feelings.

So as the start date for school or nursery approaches we need to spend a bit more time looking after our brains and tending to our well being. You might have noticed your stress bucket getting more and more full as you start planning and imaging how things will go. When your stress bucket gets too full of worries and negative thoughts things start to spill over and that’s when we become anxious, feel low, sad, or just freeze with overwhelm.

Coping with stress

To protect your stress bucket you can do two things, firstly focus on emptying it as often as possible and secondly protect it so that it doesn’t fill up so quickly. When you do this you give your brain more capacity to see the positives and to think from the intellectual, rational part, rather than that emotional, primitive part that is seeing school as a huge threat to you and your child.

You can empty or drain the stress bucket in a few ways, the first and most effective is by getting enough good quality sleep each day, not always easy with children around, but prioritising sleep is crucial. When we enter REM (rapid eye movement or dreaming) sleep we process the events and stresses of the day, allowing the bucket to empty. We go into a similar state when we enter trance using hypnosis, so listening to your hypnotherapy audio (or finding one if you’re not already one of my clients), is really useful too, especially if you’re not getting great sleep at night.

Secondly make sure you’re getting some time for you, thoughts and preparation for school can completely take over as September approaches. Factor in time to do the things you enjoy, talk to friends and family, be creative, read, move your body, get outside, all these things will help to manage your stress levels and help you keep perspective.

Positive thinking

We also need to learn to protect the stress bucket from negative thinking, every negative thought we have goes into the bucket so if you’re sat at home thinking about how terrible the first day of school will be and you think about it 30 times, you’ll have 30 negative thoughts in your stress bucket and not much room left for anything else! We can protect the stress bucket by learning how to notice our repetitive thinking and interrupting that worry loop.

When you notice yourself filling your bucket with worries acknowledge the thoughts but try not to engage in them and make a decision to think of something else. Try changing your state by moving rooms, getting up and dancing, stretching, having a cold glass of water, phoning a friend or reaching for another more positive thought.

Thinking positively and acting on what is in your control is great way to protect your stress bucket and start feeling more on top of things. So spend some time thinking or journaling about how things could go really well for you and your little one when school starts. What can you look forward to? What good things will the teachers notice about your child? How will it feel to pick them up at the end of the day?

Preparing for school

My last tip is to spend time positively preparing for school together, this may be through pictures, walking or driving to and from the school, playing games and reading books about school, talking about the class teacher and other adults in the school, looking and trying on the uniform and getting used to the other things like bags and coats. These are all positive actions within your control and a gradual introduction will help reassure you and your little one,

Finally I just want to reassure you that it is normal to feel a mix of emotions about your child starting school, it’s a big deal for both of you. Managing your anxiety and preparing positively can help you and your little one feel confident and excited about the changes.

If you think you need some extra support send me a message to chat about how therapy and hypnotherapy sessions can help you.