Coping with Christmas - a new parents guide

Babies first Christmas can come with an overwhelming amount of pressure. These are my 8 ways to keep it manageable and less exhausting, because anyone looking after a baby is exhausted enough already!

1. You don't have to do all the things

I stopped sending Christmas cards, don't do elf on the shelf, don't have Christmas eve boxes, haven't done breakfast with Santa. OK I might sound like a scrooge, but there's loads of Christmas traditions we do enjoy and that's the point, you can't do all the things without burning out!

There's an endless list of Christmas traditions you could start, traditions grow and change. Maybe this year you'll take your little one to see Santa, maybe you'll go to see some Christmas lights instead. Maybe you'll have matching pj's, maybe you won't. It's OK to pick and choose what works for you. When you see Christmas posts on social media it's so easy to think everyone's doing all the things, but what's realistic for your family? And what are you actually going to enjoy? Do those things and forget the rest

2. Manage your expectations

We want Christmas to be magical, but there will still be real life baby stuff going on. Nappies, puke, milk, crying etc! Sometimes the real life stuff gets in the way of making the magic, maybe you get to the grotto and there's a poonami, maybe you don't get out for that Christmas eve drink this year, maybe you eat Christmas lunch whist feeding a grizzly baby, it happens and it's OK, maybe not ideal, but it's real and it's OK.

3. You get to decide

Where to go, how long to go for, who visits etc
We don't want to let our families and friends down, but when we have a new baby, sometimes things change and although you might feel pressure to do things a certain way, you are the one who gets to decide what's going to work for you. And next year things might be different, because babies change and so do we. Changes don't have to be permanent.

4. Delegate and cut the corners you can

Life with a baby is hectic and tiring, you're probably still sleep deprived and you might be physically and emotionally healing so cut the corners you can and delegate where you can. Pre prepped veg? Great! Someone else cooking? Even better. Ready wrapped gifts? Brilliant! Buying everything from Amazon? Absolutely no judgement here.

5. You don't owe anyone your story

This one's for those of you who have had a difficult or traumatic birth, Christmas may be the first time you see some family and friends since the birth and we often get asked how everything went. It's worth having a think about how you want to answer, your answer might be different for different people, It might be different depending on the time and place where it’s asked, but have a line or two ready for if you want to politely shut down the conversation and change the subject.

6. All the questions... Have your standard responses ready!

Are they good?
Do they sleep?
Why are you/aren't you...?
When will they...?
Don't you...?

Personal and probing questions from judgy relatives are as much a Christmas tradition as turkey and pigs in blankets, right? Just far far less delicious. So have your standard, I'm not here for your bullshit responses ready.

Here are some of my favourites:
'We're doing what's right for our family, all families are different'
'Thanks for the advice, I'll bear that in mind' (I will absolutely not bear that in mind)
'Oh we haven't made any decisions, we're just taking each day as it comes'
'Things are so different these days aren't they!?' In response to 'it never did me any harm comments'
'Of course they're good, have you ever met a bad baby?'
And plain and simple 'it's non of your business'

7. Look after you

When we're in the middle of a busy and exciting time it can be easy to forget what keeps us on an even keel. And then all of a sudden we start to feel a bit wobbly just as we want to get going. So keep looking after yourself, remembering to get enough rest (I said rest, I know sleep can be hard!), move and stretch where you can, keep hydrated (sounds simple but we do forget in winter), get regular fresh air and connect with the people who make you smile.

Also remember that even though this is your babies first Christmas, it’s also your first Christmas with your baby and you’re much more likely to remember it than they are! So take the pressure off and do the things you want to do.

8. Sink into the magical moments by slowing down

Christmas is all about those tingly up your spine, awe and wonder moments. Catch them when you can and savour them. They might pop up where you least expect it and slowing down, taking a moment to pause and breathe in between hectic festivities can help us to notice them before they're gone. A flickery candle, a wrapped up walk, a squeal of delight, a cuddle from friends or family, the best things can be simple.

Most important of all, do Christmas your way, do the things that make you feel good and let go of the idea of ‘perfect’. Christmas with babies is different, it can be difficult and sometimes it’s more about survival than sparkle. Soak up the little moments and tell yourself, your’re doing great. Because you are.