Why do I find Mothers Day so hard?
Mother's Day can be a challenging time for mums who have experienced birth or perinatal trauma. Birth trauma can have a huge impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing, and it can make it difficult to fully enjoy the joys of motherhood.
Mothers day can be challenging in a number of ways. For some mums it takes them right back to those difficult memories of pregnancy or birth. For others there’s a sense of not meeting expectations and they can feel anger, jealousy or guilt that they didn’t have the ‘perfect birth’. For others there’s a sense of disappointment or sadness that it was difficult to build a relationship or bond with their baby initially.
Unfortunately mothers day can become just another route for us to tear ourselves down as mothers. It becomes competitive rather than celebratory. We easily fall into comparison over compassion. We ask ourselves are we perfect enough? Are we deserving of being celebrated? Are we loved enough? When maybe we should be asking what am I proud of myself for? What do I need from today? And how can I show myself some extra love?
If you're anxious about mothers day try some of these things to help you through…
Be kind to yourself: Remember that it's okay to feel triggered and that it's important to be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and take the time you need to process them.
Avoid triggers: If there are certain things that trigger you on Mother's Day, try to avoid them as much as possible. This could mean avoiding social media, not watching television, or not attending events that may be difficult.
Seek support: Reach out to family, friends, or a mental health professional for support. It's important to have a safe space where you can talk about your feelings and get the support you need.
Practice self-care: Take care of yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could mean going for a walk, reading a book, taking a bath, or playing with your baby.
Change the focus: Instead of focusing on the difficult aspects of Mother's Day, try to shift your focus to something positive. This could mean celebrating the other mother figures in your life, such as grandmothers, aunts, or close friends or taking time to truly honour and celebrate your own journey in a way that feels good for you.
Remember that healing takes time, and it's important to be patient with yourself. With the right support and self care I hope you can find ways to enjoy Mother's Day again in the future.