Scary thoughts as a mum?
While having a baby is an exciting time, it's also a time where mums can face unexpected challenges, which no one told us about in the baby books or the antenatal classes! One of which is intrusive thoughts. These thoughts can be scary and unsettling and leave mums feeling guilty and ashamed. I have seen many mums in my therapy room who have intrusive thoughts and almost all of them thought they were the only ones. In this blog post, I’ll answer some FAQs about what intrusive thoughts are, how to cope with intrusive thoughts and why intrusive thoughts aren’t a sign you’re a bad mum. I hope this helps you feel less alone and gives you hope that intrusive thoughts can be managed and they don’t have to last for ever.
Q: So, what are intrusive thoughts exactly?
A: Well, they're unwanted and often scary thoughts that pop into your mind without any control or consent. They can be violent, sexual, or just plain weird, and they can be incredibly distressing. Basically you’re brain is asking what’s the worst that could happen? It’s an attempt to keep you and your baby safe but it usually ends up making you feel awful! It's important to know that having intrusive thoughts is common, and although they can be highly distressing,they're not necessarily a sign of a mental health disorder. However there are still ways to cope with and manage them.
Q: Why do mums experience intrusive thoughts in early motherhood?
A: Early motherhood is a time of immense change, both physically and emotionally. Mums may experience intrusive thoughts due to the overwhelming nature of caring for a newborn, lack of sleep, lack of support, and hormonal changes. The pressure to be a "perfect mum" can also exacerbate feelings of anxiety and lead to intrusive thoughts.
Q: How common are intrusive thoughts?
A: Intrusive thoughts are more common than you might think. Studies have shown that up to 90% of people experience intrusive thoughts at some point in their lives. and a similar number of mums say they have experienced intrusive thoughts. It's important to remember that having intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you'll act on them. But if they’re impacting how you feel and how well you can manage day to day then it’s important to learn how to cope with them.
Q: Are intrusive thoughts a sign of mental illness?
A: No, having intrusive thoughts doesn't necessarily mean you have a mental illness. Intrusive thoughts are a normal part of the human experience and are often associated with anxiety disorders such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However, having intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you have OCD or any other mental health disorder. You may find that having had a traumatic or stressful birth experience, postnatal anxiety or postnatal depression has led to an increase in intrusive thoughts. It’s important to speak to someone if your intrusive thoughts are frequent, distressing or feel unmanageable.
Q: How long do intrusive thoughts last?
A: Intrusive thoughts can last for varying amounts of time, depending on the individual and the situation. Some people may experience intrusive thoughts for a short period, while others may experience them for longer periods. However, with the right support and coping strategies, intrusive thoughts can become less frequent and less distressing over time. In my personal experience I find that I still get intrusive thoughts from time to time, but I know that they tend to come when I’m highly stressed, worried or tired. I can now see my intrusive thoughts not as something to fight against but as a warning to slow down and think about what I might need in my life right now.
Q: Can intrusive thoughts harm my baby?
A: No, intrusive thoughts alone can't harm your baby. These thoughts are a product of anxiety and are not a reflection of your actions or intentions. Research has shown that if a mother has a strong negative reaction towards the thought (such as feeling horror at the thought of it actually happening) then it is very unlikely she will act upon it. It's important to seek support if these thoughts are interfering with your ability to care for your baby, you want to act on them or if they're causing you significant distress. Remember you’re not alone, so please don’t be afraid to talk to someone about your feelings and experiences.
Q: What can I do to manage intrusive thoughts?
A: There are several things you can do to manage intrusive thoughts:
Talk to someone: It's important to talk to someone you trust about your intrusive thoughts, such as a partner, friend, or professional. They can offer support and help you put things into perspective.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, can help you manage your thoughts and reduce feelings of anxiety. They can also help you to notice the thought and then let it go or reach for a more pleasent thought. Try not to analyse the thoughts, or engage in exploring the thoughts.
Get enough sleep and rest: Being sleep-deprived can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and make it harder to manage intrusive thoughts. It's important to prioritise rest and sleep as much as possible.
Seek professional help: If intrusive thoughts are interfering with your ability to function, your daily motivation or your ability to enjoy being with your baby, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can work with you to develop coping strategies and provide support.
Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can be very successful in helping you to cope with and manage intrusive thoughts. As a mum who has experienced these thoughts myself, our sessions are always non judgmental, gentle and kind. I offer solution focused hypnotherapy in Peterborough and online, please do not hesitate to get in contact for a chat about how hypnotherapy can help you with your intrusive thoughts.
Jo x